What is it that no one understands about me? Do u think by going to a doctor that I will be cured? Will I magically behave myself and be the best person I can be? No, it won’t. For a half hour someone will listen to me talk about my feelings and what’s bothering me but that’s not enough time. It brings my emotions to the surface then it’s time to leave. So I bottle it up until we meet again,if we do. In the interim I take my meds,hopefully, and try not to lose my shit. It’s hard. Soo hard. Imagine surrounding yourself with people u love and they love u but sometimes u swear they only tolerate you,that they are waiting to replace you. Imagine feeling like your always on the outside looking in and no one cares. Imagine for a minute your only purpose in the morning is making it through the day without breaking down, hurting yourself or hurting someone else. Imagine for a moment you feel like this every minute of every day…always. Imagine for a moment being me because that’s how it is.
Mourning is, in the simplest sense, synonymous with grief over the death of someone…that is it’s definition, however u can mourn over many things. Death of a relationship,death of a friendship, death of who you once were and so on. Death, in meaning whatever life it once brought, no longer exists. Sometimes a person doesn’t have to die in order for u to mourn them, mourn what once was and what will never be. Outside of death, the worst kind of mourning is the loss of someone when they’ve moved on out of your life by choice and has a new life that you will no longer be a part of. When a marriage or relationship fails it doesn’t just affect the parties directly involved, everyone hurts, everyone feels the loss. They go on with their new life, with new people and we sit back and just have memories to hold onto. It’s okay, it’s part of life. It’s part of growth and mourning is the beginning of healing and healing starts with letting go, so go ahead and grieve.