Out of sync

We often take for granted our children might not be “perfect”. We read the books and wait with baited breath for each milestone. Some are met and some aren’t. Teachers make comments about some behaviors. Certain routines.
The words “have you had him evaluated”? Evaluated for what? No one could put their finger on it just something was out of sync. Years go by, academically milestones have been reached way above and beyond. “Pleasure to have in class” “loves to learn” “wonderful personality” …but yet there’s always a red flag that every so often pops out. Schools don’t care to do much because if they’re not acting out or failing,ur child will fly under the radar. Here’s something u don’t learn in school…coping skills! This is what you instinctively do to adapt to your surroundings. In the beginning the school had a certain smell so showering right after was a must. Purel is their best friend. No long sleeves or button down shirts, it irritates. The assembly’s are too loud and noises are bothersome. Co-ordination, well there isn’t much of it. How will they adapt in higher grades? Too many changes. Too many restrictions. Too much responsibility. Sure the average teen has problems, sure they’ll act out and that’s normal but “average” is a broad term. What is average? The norm? Well then what is normal? This is such a fine line to cross cuz we are right in the middle…normal but different.
Change is never welcomed and must be approached cautiously otherwise meltdowns happen. There can be conversations for hours on end about certain topics and then there can be nothing but silence. The sad thing about all of this is the disconnection from people. I see children of all ages walking the malls, going to the movies,invited to parties or just “hanging out”. My heart breaks because that’s not my child. It’s not that he has trouble with people liking him, he just doesn’t deal well with making plans and deviating from “his norm.” Sure some kids can be cruel and not understand his personality at times but for the most part they welcome it. I look back through the years and think what could I have done to make it better for him? What was it that made him this way? We get pregnant and expect everything to be great. We say alls we want is a healthy baby. Years ago all u wanted to know is if there were 10 fingers and 10 toes. Not anymore. I remember when my first baby was born alls I hoped for was “is he healthy and is he normal”? I looked into his beautiful eyes and saw the most perfect being. He is perfect. I just want the world to see him and love him as we do,that’s all a parent wants. He doesn’t realize he’s different except when he melts down. He is content in his own world where it’s safe. It doesn’t seem to bother him that he doesn’t have many friends. That he doesn’t do a lot of the things most boys do at his age. All these things don’t bother him but they bother me. I know how the world can be with someone who is soo pure of heart. Someone so honest and innocent. Today has been a long time coming. Today what has been whispered, thought about and avoided will be spoken of. Today, in his last year of school, we will finally get a diagnosis. Nothing will change from it except maybe some extra help in college. Nothing will change who he is or how we see him. He is our son who we are so proud of and he is perfect in our eyes.

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