There are many losses in life, but The loss of a mother is different than any other I have experienced.
All the preparation in the world never prepares you for the inevitable
First there is the initial shock
Then comes the heartbreak
Every new day,new week,
new month, will be the first of the rest of your life without them
Then comes the heartache
A constant reminder that something In you is broken and can’t be fixed
It’s all you feel, it’s all you think about, whether you realize it or not
Holidays, occasions, milestones
All met without them
Sure I believe in heaven
I know we will be together again but that doesn’t console me now
My heartache is no less
It’s fresh now and I kno in time it will lessen but it will never go away, for that Im certain
Every thought, every emotion builds up until it pours from my eyes burning a path down my cheek.
The days of parental advice
And nurturing we’re gone, replaced by role reversal
We were the nurturers
We were her voice
We took care of her like she did us
She was a shell of who she once was and she was gone way before she left us
I didn’t want to see her like that but I also didn’t want to let go
I think that’s why she hung on so long, I think she knew
Now that she is gone, there is time to do all the things I set aside,
Nothing but time
Yet it’s not the same.
what I wouldn’t give for one more minute, hour, day
The words of Robert Munsch’s “I love you forever” sticks in my mind, no matter how old I will get or how long she is gone….
“ I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my Mommy you’ll be.”